What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
