Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
