all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
