They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hippo gnu deer
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
