she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
