He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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