you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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