I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
