I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
