i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
