It's just like the Real World with babies
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
