according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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