He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
