i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
