he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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