I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
