I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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