i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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