Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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