Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
