peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
