Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
