Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
