so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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