why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Found the puke drawer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
