Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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