Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
