I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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