Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
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so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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