I wanna passion pit in your ass
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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