Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
