your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize