smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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