the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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