sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
