The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
