Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
