It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
