you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
