I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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