Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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