we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
