TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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