Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
