My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
