gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
