yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
