allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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