I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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