I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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