never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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