You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
