i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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