I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is the high leading the old right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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