guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
