I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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