You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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