Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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