She tied me up with her honor cords...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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