Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
