she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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