You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
